Con-tent.
adjective
1.
satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."
My mom told me not too long ago that when I was young, I would always want to know what was next. She said I wasn't pushy about it, I just wanted to know what we would be doing next. She said she was always trying to teach me to just enjoy what I was doing right then.
My first part time job was at A+W as a cook. I spent most of it wishing I could work up front as a cashier. When I worked in a daycare, I imagined what a great director I would be. As a teachers assistant, I wondered what it would be like to be the teacher. As a 911 dispatcher, I think how exciting it would be to be a police officer or a paramedic.
I've been thinking lately about contentment. How does one become content in infertility? I believe that God gave us the desire to be parents, and gave me a mothers heart. How can I be "satisfied with what I have, not wanting more or anything else?" Is the longing we have for a child wrong? I don't think it is.
I think that the above quote has it bang on. If I'm unhappy now, I won't magically become happy when I have a child. I need to focus on being thankful for what I have right now. And I do have a lot to be thankful for. It's not wrong to dream... as long as you keep your feet firmly planted in the here and now, and enjoy every minute of it.
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It is such a hard journey you are on. This is the kind of thing only you can say about yourself. Anyone who tells you to be "content" with what you have needs a good slap! But I guess it is something you have to grapple with and find a way through.
ReplyDeleteOf course it isn't wrong for you to desire a baby - most people do and get their desires so easily. But this beautiful and natural desire causes you pain not joy - so sorry!
With two children (one living) the term infertile rests uneasily with me. But even so I recognise the thinking you express here. I ended up reaching a pivot point a few months ago and whilst I expressed myself more in a "glass half empty" way, there was a point where I chose to focus on what I had and not on what I didn't. I had a rant here.
http://www.livingintherainbow.com/2009/08/21/change/
anyway I hope you find contentment
I love this post. I say you've hit the nail on the head with this. It's important for me to recognize that having a baby won't make me completely happy and content (even though I so desire it). I fall into the trap of thinking this way so often. You've provided good perspective here, pointing out that it's okay and normal to have the desire to be a parent while realizing that our daily lives are already full of the blessings of home, family, marriage, job, etc.
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me something to chew on today.