The house is decorated. Gifts are wrapped. Christmas music is playing. The fridge is full of baking. Everything is ready. Except for me. I feel... nothing. That's not true. I feel sad. And I can't shake it. Tears are lurking behind my eyes, waiting for anything to push them over. I catch myself counting down until Christmas is over.
I love Christmas. I love the traditions, the family time, the food... and the presents. I'm not gonna lie. I love opening presents. But this year, I'm just not feeling it. Something- someone is missing from our family, and it's all I can feel.
I'll try my hardest, I'll smile and laugh, and hug people, and wish them Merry Christmas. I'll play with the kids, and eat junk and open presents.
I know Christmas isn't about me. It's about celebrating Jesus' birth. But it's hard sometimes. Hard not to focus on my hurt.
I know I am not alone. I know all around the world other couples are smiling and laughing to cover up their longing. And their disappointments. To all of you, I pray for an extra dose of peace and joy this Christmas. May God hold you extra close this Christmas season. Merry Christmas.
~L.
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{{{HUGS}}} Last year I had a Christmas much like you are describing. Praying for you during this time.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry sweetie. I'm thinking of you and hoping and praying God holds you real tight. (((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteThe holidays are most definitely a hard time for those of us suffering from IF. I pray that 2010 brings you the desires of your heart.
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