Dancin' in the Rain: All aboard to crazytown!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

All aboard to crazytown!

AF came today. The funny thing, I feel a little relieved. I knew it was coming, but you always still have that little voice trying to convince you that maybe you are wrong, and those are pregnancy symptoms. And I'm pretty sure that little voice pushes you closer and closer to crazytown, so it's good it will be quiet for a couple of weeks now!

1 comment:

StaceyJuly 9, 2009 at 1:36 PM
Sorry you've had some disappointments this week. Yeah, I'm like you. I'd rather AF go on and show herself rather than making me crazy. I like to "welcome" her with a large caffeinated soft drink! :)
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Our Story So Far

Oct '06- Got married!
Aug '07- Off the Pill. Maybe we'll be one of those couple who get pregnant the first try!
Summer '08- Maybe not.
August '08- Referred to OBGYN.
Oct '08- Finally see the OBGYN. Put on the 6 month wait list for the RE. Not sure why my cycles vary from 35-60+ days. Lots of bloodwork and some ultrasounds. Nothing too suspicious except for high blood sugar. Referred to endocrinologist.
Jan '09- Rough spot with husband J. Cancel some appointments to focus on fixing us. So thankful we didn't call it quits!
May '09- See the RE. SA shows poor motility- 15%. Anovulatory cycles for me. Prescribed 3 months of Clomid.
June '09- See endocrinologist. Diagnosed PCOS. Prescribed Metformin.
June-Aug '09- Clomid works like a charm. Three 29 day cycles with + ovulation tests- just no BFP's.
Sept '09-See RE again. J also has antisperm antibodies. Chances of getting pg naturally very low... IUI not looking great, but we will give it a shot.
Oct-Nov '09- Could not go for the IUI for various reasons. Very frustrating.
Dec 18 '09- IUI #1.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother. Author Unknown

Dancin' in the Rain

Thursday, July 9, 2009

All aboard to crazytown!

1 comment:

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