I haven't blogged for a long time. I don't really have a reason. I've been here, reading all the other blogs. I guess I haven't needed it in awhile.
I feel like I am in a funny place in my IF journey. I think I have accepted that we are infertile. Maybe because the first year or 2 are full of so many questions. I would be so disappointed every month. We didn't know what was going on and why it wasn't happening for us.
We passed the 2 year mark in August. I told J how it was funny how I don't get as upset as often as I used to. Don't get me wrong- it is always on my mind, and my heart. And there are certainly still tears. And there are days when the pain takes my breath away. But I have accepted that we are infertile, and that this is not going to happen for us as easily. I find myself thinking, "well, AF should come around this time, and then we will move on to____." I don't even consider testing. I don't think I am pessimistic- just practical. I certainly haven't given up hope. I have just accepted that this is part of our lives, and part of us now.
An update of where we are at.... I did 3 months of Clomid. It could not have worked any better, as I had three 29 day cycles, as opposed to anywhere from 35-60 days. I also got 3 + ovulation tests. So that is encouraging. Saw the RE again a couple weeks ago, and he informed us that J not only has poor motility, he has anti sperm antibodies. I had to stop myself from a burst of inappropriate laughter. Anti sperm antibodies. I mean seriously. I just picture these little evil men picketing against his swimmers...
I digress. So the RE said he doesn't mind if we try IUI, but he is not too hopeful, thanks to the anti sperm guys. So we are preparing ourselves for the very good possibility of IVF. Saving money, losing weight... all that good stuff. The IUI will cost about $325 in total (yeah Canada!!) so we don't feel that it is a waste to try it a few times.
I am not on Clomid this month, so I am curious to see how long this cycle goes. If it is normal, we should be doing IUI mid October. I also have an HSG test sometime before then.
That's where we are. Practical, not pessimistic. Still hoping, but also preparing. And still praying every day that God will give us a baby soon.